Grief, resulting from the death of a loved one, is probably the most profoundly emotionally painful experience us humans can suffer, outside of the physical pain we suffer from, say, being tortured by illness or another human. It is also a very common experience of the human condition, since it arises from the death of a person and being our common destiny . Consequently, there are always many people suffering grief at any given time.
So, at the risk of being perceived as impertinent, supposed I were to pose the question: 'for how long should a person mourn the death of a loved one deeply, beyond the first months of years of their loss'?
Of course, the initial response would have to be, that it is dependent on the individual experiencing the grief, and the circumstances surrounding the death of the loved one. Yet, we do know that grief can destroy the bereaved, by robbing them of the will to continue to live their lives amongst the living, as opposed to withdrawing into their own grief-stricken world and become a shell of their former selves.
We know that the loss of a loving partner, of a mother, a father, of a brother or sister, of a young child who had not yet had the opportunity to grown into becoming an adult and realising his/her full potential, can be horrendous and leads to despair. It can lead to the bereaved person becoming acutely and even clinically depressed, as their grief deduced them into suicidal vortex of extreme despair and self-neglect.
Grief, it seems to me, while being a natural, emotional and psychological reaction to the death of a loves one, has more to do with the bereaved than with the person who has died. It is about our loss; the though of us not having the loved one we have lost with us anymore. Since our grief cannot have any impact on the person who has died, who is now free of and cannot be touched by anymore pain, and has gone to the place which is ultimately our destiny too, our expression of grief can only be to our own detriment or benefit.
It seems to me that the bereaved person, in expressing his/her grief, should be guided by this fact, that it should be about them getting through it without it destroying them or doing them irreparable harm.
With this in mind, there really is nothing to be gained, I believe, from the bereaved person putting their lives on hold for any specific period of time, before returning to living it as fully as they can, and even with more verve than they might have done before their bereavement. Because, if it is one lesson death teaches the living, it is that live is short and the challenge for the living is to live it well and enjoy it as much as you can. How ironic it is or would be, therefore, that our bereavement should appear to have the paradoxical effect on us; that of making some of us wanting to die as well, when it is so obvious that we shall all die in the twinkling of Time's dispassionate and impatient eyes?
In your mourning, try to remember that the loved one for whom you mourn, is no longer feeling or able to feel the pain you are feeling, and be motivated by that fact, to make the most of the rest of your own time living upon the earth.
The bereaved should be reassured by knowing that their loved one would have desire them to live their lives enjoyably.
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