So, I began by having probably no more that a cursory look at how easily people can come to see something or a role that you tend to carry out, or perform, as 'your role', and then get into the patter of taking you for granted, as far as you performing that role is concerned. At least, until you suddenly stop performing it, permanently or temporarily, and it makes, say, members of your family stop and think. Probably thinking your are on strike or ill.
You will probably recall that I did explain that these kinds of roles are those for which you are not paid, and are generally what we might call 'familial roles', such as mum doing the cooking, the washing, the ironing and keeping the home in good order.
While dad might cook or microwave the dinner once or twice a week, and the children's role is primarily that of keeping their bedrooms clean and tidy, but which they never or rarely do; probably until mum threatens not to cook them any dinner or dad said he would refuse to take them to the park while mum does the house work.
While we can understand children of a certain age - and I am aware that this age might vary depending on the society and culture within which the child lives - 'expecting' mum and dad, probably grandma and granddad, and auntie and uncle to do this and that for them, what happens when these 'expectant' children become young adults in their late teens and twenties, or fully fledged adults?
Are they automatically transformed into preparedness to assume the roles of 'what is expected of parents', or do they delay the transition to acquire the role, while they extend the 'expectation of dependency' on their parents?
I think for many of them, both young adults, including adults in relationships with other adults, they/we do not. The process of how society socialises its children ensure that our childhood 'expectations of what should be done for us by others' persist long after we have grown up. This leads to a situation whereby, as soon as many adult 'children' comes into contact with their parents, they tend to become 'dependent' again. And when they establish relationships with their partners, their partners are then 'expected' to assume some of the roles they 'expected' of their parents.
Thus it seems that, to a great extent, feeding, clothing and being the primary carer for her family - both the children and her partner - will always been seen by many as the woman's role, and it is her misfortune that, in the main, her family will take what she does for granted, and, worse, will be reluctant to share her burden, 'because it is taken for granted, almost subconsciously, that that is her role.
Similarly, children in their late teens and twenties, especially if they are at home, will tend to behave towards their parents as if they are dependant children who are still imbued with the 'feed me mum and dad' expectation. They might even regress back to their early childhood, where mum and dad are expected to tidy and clean their bedrooms and generally clean up after them.
And thus it appears that, allowing your children to remain at home, when they should or could be independent, is something parents should try to avoid. But, even before you show them the door, parents should endeavour to reduce the amount of things they do for their children; age appropriately. They should be required to do their own washing, cooking and cleaning after a certain age. This will encourage them to be more self-reliant, and reduce the burden on women in society, and the expectations which they children and their partners have about 'what is their role.'
Endeavour to live a happy family life, but not at the cost of you performing roles which members of your family 'expect' you to perform and takes for granted, unless they, age appropriately, are also performing similar roles which are benefiting you. Encourage your children to become independent and, while they are at home, interdependent - in the sense that they share the housework - as soon as they are physically and intellectually capable of doing so.
Families need to be be interdependent and not unfairly expect mum to keep the ship afloat, mainly on her own
No comments:
Post a Comment